New skills

Wow it has been a long time since my last post!  I am still reading along in My Utmost for His Highest, but nothing has really struck me as super insightful recently.  However, I did complete my first stranded color work knitting project, and I thought I'd share the results:

I made these for Grace since her hands get cold at work.  I adapted them from a free fingerless mitt pattern on Ravelry--removed some width to fit her small hands, lengthened the cuff, shortened the hand, and added tip-less fingers so that she could type without the cold air running up into the gloves.

I'm really quite pleased with how they turned out.  I'm not sure I'll be jumping into another color work pattern very soon, but I am glad to have learned something new!

Faith in the infinite

Today I am chewing on a section from My Utmost for His Highest:

My misgivings arise from the fact that I search within to find how He will do what He says. My doubts spring from the depths of my own inferiority. If I detect these misgivings in myself, I should bring them into the light and confess them openly— “Lord, I have had misgivings about You. I have not believed in Your abilities, but only my own. And I have not believed in Your almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it.” (February 26)

The context of this section questions whether we truly believe the Lord will provide, or whether in our heads (and hearts) we are silently doubting how He can do so "in the real world."  I am struck by the irony that this particular lesson resonated with me so deeply--over the past seven years in particular I have repeatedly learned to trust the Lord to provide, even when circumstances seem bleak, and it is an area that I have recently felt I have come much closer to mastering--but in truth there are still times when I am trying to "noodle" how He can possibly work in a particular situation. 

Perhaps He is prompting me to release the desire to think of a possible solution for Him, "just in case."  Or maybe He is trying to just show me that the road ahead is much longer than the one I have already traversed.  In any case, I am making a conscious choice to let Him decide how to work in me to increase my faith.  I am simply listening, waiting for Him to keep speaking.

The "why" of service

Today I (finally!) finished my study of Hebrews with an in-depth look of Hebrews 13.  One of the exercises in the New Inductive Series is to come up with a summary/title for the chapter, and for me the focus of Hebrews 13 boils down to this truth: "Christ; the same today, yesterday, and forever; the Reason I live, serve, and do good."

Hebrews 13 lists many good things we should strive to do as Christians, but none of these should take precedence for our love of Christ.  It is because of Him that we choose to live in obedience.  John puts it this way:

And we can be sure that we know him if we obey his commandments. If someone claims, “I know God,” but doesn’t obey God’s commandments, that person is a liar and is not living in the truth. But those who obey God’s word truly show how completely they love him. That is how we know we are living in him. Those who say they live in God should live their lives as Jesus did. --I John 2:3-6

I have written about this before, but as a person whose identity is closely aligned with the idea of serving, I often have to remember to check my motivations.  Why am I choosing to do something good?  If I am choosing it because I'm seeking attention or acknowledgement from others, then my good deed is not truly good.  This same idea is echoed in one of Chambers' challenges this week:

If we are devoted to the cause of humanity, we shall soon be crushed and broken-hearted, for we shall often meet with more ingratitude from men than we would from a dog; but if our motive is love to God, no ingratitude can hinder us from serving our fellow men. (February 23)

At times it is easy for me to feel hurt when my service goes unnoticed, especially when this is in an area where I have poured myself out completely.  While I am not suggesting we go around with ingratitude toward one another, I also realize that my emotions can be deceived when my focus is on myself or even the people whom I am serving.  I am so thankful that the Lord reminds me to focus all of my love and attention where it belongs: on Him, the one true object of my devotion.

 

Spiritually open eyes

It's been almost a month since I last posted on this blog...where has the time gone?  I have still been reading Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest, but nothing in the past few weeks has struck me as deeply as the readings from the first couple of weeks.  In the meantime, I have also slowly been working to finish my inductive study of Hebrews.  

This past week I finished up Hebrews 12.  I have enjoyed my study of Hebrews, but it has also dragged on so long with other studies coming and going in between, that at this point I'm more motivated to finish so that I can be done rather than being super excited about digging into the chapters.  Thus, while I have still enjoyed learning from the study, at times I feel as though I've been reading with my eyes spiritually closed.  

Most of what I gleaned from my study of chapter 12 related to discipline and endurance in our Christian life.  I know that this due in part to the study guide I have been using, which had a lot of additional reading about discipline, and also the reality that it is easy to let my mind focus on the the first part of the chapter and skim over the end.  And while this was a good reminder to me, if my learning had ended there, I would have missed out on so much.

Ironically, (from a human point of view), in the first sermon of the new series at my church this past Sunday, Carl's message referenced two sections of Hebrews 12, both from the second half of the chapter.  The focus of the series is on worship, and looking at Hebrews 12 through that lens gave me an entirely new perspective on the chapter:  Hebrews 12 demonstrates how awe and trembling should be an aspect of our understanding of worship.  Here are a couple of the thoughts which stood out to me from the sermon:

"Holiness, out of all the attributes of God, describes God and God alone and summarizes how unlike He is compared to us. The angels described in Revelation don’t say “Faithful, faithful, faithful,” or “mighty, mighty, mighty,” or anything like this. They say, “holy, holy, holy.” Psalm 111:9 says that “Holy and awesome is His name.” That means that “Holy” is one of the names God uses to describe Himself because it is so central to who He is. God is unlike any created being. He is perfect. He is holy, set apart...

Hebrews 12 has a lot to say about worshiping God with awe, with trembling.  Verse 14 says, 

Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. – Hebrews 12:14 

Did you catch that last part? Without holiness, no one will see the Lord. We are unholy, in our flesh. We must be made holy to withstand the presence of the Lord...

Hebrews 12 goes on to talk about the mountain of the Lord in Exodus where God came with fire and the blast of something like trumpets, a place made so holy by God’s presence that no one could approach it and live. It compares this to Mount Zion, to the place of angels in joyful assembly and of people who have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus. It then gives a warning: 

See to it that you do not refuse Him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from Him who warns us from heaven? At that time His voice shook the earth, but now He has promised, “Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” The words “once more” indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.” – Hebrews 12:25-29 

The Greek word for reverence is aidos, which has a root a word that means to have downcast eyes. The word implies modesty, bashfulness, respect...

The Greek word for awe is eulabeia. It’s a bit hard to define, but it helps to know there is a different word for simply being terrified (phobos, from which we get phobias). Eulabia has an implication of caution, of great respect because of what is involved, in this case, interaction with the holy God...To worship God with eulabia is to understand the holiness of the God you worship..." 

Anyway, the way the Lord works so many things together in my life to show me new things about Himself constantly amazes me.  While it is easy for me to feel guilty that my study of Hebrews wasn't wrapped up sooner, I also don't think that the sermon would have had such a profound impact on me had I not just been reading Hebrews 12 during the past week.  Even in our weakness and human frailty and failings, the Lord works.  Only He can spiritually open my eyes to what He wants to teach me each week, each day, each moment of my life.  Only He can make me holy.  My response can only be to follow the command to worship: 

"Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping him with holy fear and awe."--Hebrews 12:28 (NLT)

A reason to serve

"Beware of anything that competes with your loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of true devotion to Jesus is the service we do for Him. It is easier to serve than to pour out our lives completely for Him." (January 18) 

Some days, the readings from My Utmost for His Highest are more challenging than others.  There are some days when I truly don't agree with some or all of Chamber's ideas, and this is one of them.  However, the quote is challenging and convicting to me nonetheless.  As someone whose "default setting" is serving others, I need to examine my motivations.  Do I serve because Jesus' love and life are flowing out of me, or because it is something I am "supposed to do"?  Serving is good, but if I don't serve out of love for Jesus, then my service is mere filthy rags.

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.--Isaiah 64:6

My heart's desire is that I will serve because Jesus love is overflowing in my life.  May He ever fill me with His Spirit and the living water that truly quenches every thirst!

Costly obedience?

Right now I am chewing on this passage from My Utmost for His Highest...

"If we obey God, it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the pain begins. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything— it is a delight. But to those who do not love Him, our obedience does cost a great deal. If we obey God, it will mean that other people’s plans are upset. They will ridicule us as if to say, “You call this Christianity?” We could prevent the suffering, but not if we are obedient to God. We must let the cost be paid...A lack of progress in our spiritual life results when we try to bear all the costs ourselves. And actually, we cannot. Because we are so involved in the universal purposes of God, others are immediately affected by our obedience to Him. Will we remain faithful in our obedience to God and be willing to suffer the humiliation of refusing to be independent? Or will we do just the opposite and say, “I will not cause other people to suffer”? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but it will grieve our Lord. If, however, we obey God, He will care for those who have suffered the consequences of our obedience. We must simply obey and leave all the consequences with Him." (January 11)

This counter-intuitive idea of the cost of obedience brings up hard questions for me.  First of all, it is far easier for me to consider how my obedience affects me than how it might affect others.  Jesus talks about counting the cost of our obedience in Luke 14 where He reminds us that we must be willing to give up everything to follow Him.  I think in many ways the decision He requires is both a one-time and an every-day decision.  When we first choose to follow Christ, we are making a choice that He is worth any cost, but it is our day-to-day lives which reveal exactly how much we must be willing to sacrifice for Him.  We must daily be willing to continue to choose Jesus above all.

However, it seems that what Chambers is suggesting is that our love for the Lord should cause us to always delight in obedience rather than focusing on what trivial things we must sacrifice.  I have certainly not reached that level of obedience yet in my life, and I pray that I will continue to grow in this area.  I draw a parallel here to how I love Jonathan--when I focus on my love for him, doing any task, however unpleasant, is something to be enjoyed rather than dreaded.  However, when I choose to focus on myself, doing unpleasant tasks seems much more difficult.

Moving on to Chambers' second point, I don't remember ever purposefully pondering the effects of my submission on the people around me.  There have certainly been times in my life when my decisions to obey the Lord did hurt other people, but I don't think that I specifically "count the cost" to someone else when I make decisions.  In general, I do try to be fair to others in decision making when it is not an issue of right or wrong, obedience or disobedience; the idea of considering others as more important than oneself is a lesson I have learned both early and often.

Thankfully, I can't remember a time when I allowed the cost to someone else to change the decision that the Lord was calling me to make.  On the other hand, I know that people in general (including myself specifically!) are often blinded by pride and selfishness to seeing the truth of our own motives.  I pray that the Lord will reveal to me if there are places in my life where I am allowing my desire to please others to negatively influence my willingness to respond to Him.  I am thankful to know that in every choice that He calls me to make, He is looking out not only for my best interest, but also the interest of those around me, for whom His love extends just as far and deep as it does for me.

Worship through surrender

I have recently started a year-long daily devotional read-along of My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers with a group of Christians on Ravelry (this is a free site somewhat like Facebook for yarn enthusiasts, only 1000x better...don't get me started on how wonderful it is unless you want me to try to convince you that you should join).  We have decided to start from the beginning of the book, reading in sequence rather than starting in the middle and aligning our readings with the prescribed dates.  Only six days into the journey, and already I have found so much to chew on spiritually.  The overarching theme so far seems to be surrender.  Here are a couple of thought-provoking quotes I have encountered thus far, and some of my personal reflections concerning them:

"...surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably." (January 1)

Reading this culminating thought for the first day of the devotional caused me to prayerfully consider what surrendering my will to Jesus means in everyday life.  How am I doing this already?  How can I grow in this area?

“Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you “go out” in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised on iota by anything He does?…You must learn to “go out” through your convictions, creeds, or experiences until you come to the point in your faith where there is nothing between yourself and God.” (January 2)

Here I feel the Lord is showing me a small piece of what surrender means for my life.  I am a planner by nature, and I do try to keep that from limiting how I actively work to serve God, but there is always room for growth.

"Once, the Bible was just so many words to us--"clouds and darkness" [Psalm 97:2] --then, suddenly, the words become spirit and life because Jesus re-speaks them to us when our circumstances make the words new.  That is the way God speaks to us; not by visions and dreams, but by words." (January 3)

Am I living in surrender to the word of the Lord?  Do I keep His word ever in my mouth, written on the tablet of my heart?  How can I expect Him to speak to me if I do not listen to His words? Lord, will You continue to increase my faith?

"Wait for God's timing...When it is a question of the providential will of God, wait for God to move." (January 4)

Patience...that virtue we are always told, tongue-in-cheek, not to pray for, because we just might be given the opportunity to learn.  It is easy to jump ahead of God's timing because we think we see the right fix.

"All our promises and resolutions end in denial because we have no power to accomplish them.  When we come to the end of ourselves, not just mentally but completely, we are able to "receive the Holy Spirit"...the idea is that of invasion.  There is now only One who directs the course of your life, the Lord Jesus Christ." (January 5)

It is so easy to “get it right” in my head when I read Scripture and pray and study the things of God, and then to turn around and “get it wrong” in my heart throughout the rest of the day. May I be content to be directed only by Him!

“Whenever you get a blessing from God, give it back to Him as a love-gift. Take time to meditate before God and offer the blessing back to Him in a deliberate act of worship…God will never allow you to keep a spiritual blessing completely for yourself. It must be given back to Him so that He can make it a blessing to others.” (January 6)

This is the portion that stood out to me today. I want to always accept God’s blessing with open hands, allowing Him permission (not that He needs it, but because I need to offer it!) to take as freely as He gives, and use me as a serving vessel, not a storage vessel.

At the same time that I am reading Chambers, I am also working to complete a study of Hebrews which I began earlier this year.  I am just wrapping up Hebrews 10, and this is a quote from Kay Arthur's New Inductive Study Series:

"We live our lives in faith, we persevere, and we love the Lord's appearing...We acknowledge that all we have came from Him and belongs to Him, so we give it back to Him in worship...We aren't persevering in order to get; we're persevering in order to give. Our faithfulness is an act of worship that culminates in giving everything to God.  That's what our everyday lives should be like--living worship of the living Word."

Interestingly, all of these quotes and ideas also tie in well to the crux of the sermon from this past Sunday: "What sacrificial thing are you doing today for the sake of the gospel?" 

While I appreciate the intent of this question to dig for a specific example as an answer, I think that seeking true surrender to Jesus is the best possible answer.  If I am willing to surrender my will to Jesus every minute of every day, He will show me how He has planned for me to spread the gospel to those around me.  I pray that the Lord will continue grow me in surrender each day.