Realizations

I had several major realizations tonight.  Quite a lot to digest.  Thankful for my Journey Group and their love and support.

Realization #1: I'm not trusting God.  If I were trusting God, I wouldn't be freaking out.
Realization #2: I can start trusting God right now.  It is a choice, not an emotional state of being.
Realization #3: I actually don't particularly like teaching, at least not in a large classroom setting.
Realization #4: Realization # 3 does not change the fact that I'm fairly certain God wants me to teach at YPA for at least another year.
Realization #5: The fact that I live "alone" is irrelevant.  I may not like it, but I have to accept it.
Realization #6: I cannot deal with living alone by myself. (In any case, I'm not truly alone because God is with me.)  I need to allow Him to be my strength fully rather than seeking emotional band-aids elsewhere.
Realization #7: Even in light of Realization #6, God has lovingly placed me in community (whether here or long-distance) with people who care about me and who can help me as I walk this difficult journey.
Realization #8: When I am at peace with Realizations # 1-7, my life will be far less difficult because I won't be continually focusing energy and attention on things that will not change.