A Rafiki Moment

*Apologies in advance for ramblings and random quotes throughout this blog.  It's just the mood I'm in :-P*

Today I had one (okay, several) Rafiki moments.  What, you may ask, is a Rafiki moment?  Let me explain.  No.  It is too much.  Let me sum up.  In the Lion King, the baboon Rafiki knocks some sense into Simba's head (literally).  He has a line that goes "Yes, the past can hurt, but you can either run from it, or...learn from it."  This line comes right after he whacks Simba across the head with a stick.

For me, my Rafiki moments would be better worded as "Yes, the truth can hurt, but you can either run from it, or embrace it."  In talking with a few wonderful friends, I had the opportunity to embrace several painful hit-in-the-head truths today.  I don't want to break any confidences, so I'm going to use numbers to refer to conversations/interactions.

Head Whack #1:  In chatting with this friend, I realized how, in spite of all of my attempts to be focused on others and not myself, I still come back around to questioning how events in my life benefit me.  Why am I still in Rock Hill?  Why are all of my friends moving away, some across the country :'( ?  Why don't I know the plan for next year?  While these are all valid questions, their central focus isn't God or His mercy, or His plan for the world.  It is Janet.  I was painfully reminded of the country song that was popular when I was in high school where part of the chorus says "I wanna talk about me/ wanna talk about I/ wanna talk about #1/oh my oh my/ what I think what I like what I know what I want what I see..."  What a self-centered, egotistical perspective.  Instead, I need to learn to see my life and the world around me the way He does, and realize that my ability to live my life in a way that pleases Him depends on His strength, not on outside circumstances or even relationships.

Head Whack #2: Over dinner with this friend, I realized once again the truth that God puts us in specific places at specific times for a reason.  It is not by accident, it is not by chance.  He has a definite plan, and while we do have free will He also somehow, in his sovereignty, also directs our paths.  I was griping to this friend that I wanted a clear path to follow.  For my steps to be spelled out for me so I knew where God wanted me to be.  Where I could see for a fact and not question any more whether I was doing the right thing.  This friend very lovingly (yet bluntly) pointed out that in many years of experience as a believer, God has always still allowed for free choice.  There is not always a black and white answer to the road He means for us to take.  And, in spite of this, He still directs, loves, protects, and instructs us and He is still in control in our lives if we allow Him to be.  What a paradox.

Head Whack #3:  Talking with this friend, I was reminded how important it is to get outside perspective on our problems, and to seek God's will through both prayer and Scripture as well as counsel from godly mentors.  In facing a difficult decision, this friend has realized how easy it is to weigh the possibilities and choose the most logical sounding option from a human standpoint, basing the decision more on human understanding and what we think could possibly help us accomplish something for God.  That it is easy to lose our first love, Jesus.  That phrase triggered me to look at Revelation 2 and really consider, how much am I like the church in Ephesus?  Listening to this friend's story, my own heart was convicted.  I have done things for God, but have I forgotten the reasons why? Have I lost sight of my first love?

Even more amazing than all of these Rafiki moments in my own life, was recognizing that even in the painful burst of realization, God is so loving and kind to surround me with friends who encourage, support, and lift me up in prayer, and for whom I can do the same.  Even though I still wonder and have questions, even though I don't understand, even though it doesn't make any sense to me, if I go through all of this for the sole purpose that those friendships become deeper and more Christ-focused, it is worth it.  If it all happens so that someone else can learn from my mistakes and be drawn closer to Christ, it is worth it.  Even if I never know why it happens, I choose to trust.  Even when it hurts worse than a baboon whacking me across the head :-).