Rough Day; Real God

I had a rough day, for many reasons.  Mostly ones that I can't share because of confidentiality issues.   I can say that trying to get the point across to fourth graders that ALL EVEN NUMBERS ARE NOT PRIME (except for 2) is far more difficult than one might think ;-).  However, other and far more weighty matters have been pressing on my mind as well. But the good news is, God is infinitely kind to me.

Went to Journey Group tonight with a heavy heart and a lot on my mind.  Came out refreshed and encouraged beyond anything I could have asked or imagined.  God really used the people there tonight to remind me of His goodness and grace, and that I am created to be uniquely me and have a relationship with Him that is uniquely our own, with no need to feel inferior or envious of the relationships of others.  So incredibly good to be reminded of that.

I also have realized that part of why this struggle has been so difficult lately is that I have been holding on to a belief that I deserve to get an answer from God about what He wants me to do.  That I should be getting it yesterday if not sooner.  That I can't serve God and glorify Him and fulfill His will without that happening.  All of which is an outright lie.  I don't deserve anything from God except for condemnation.  Thankfully, by grace, Jesus has taken mine and given me His righteousness, which I neither deserve nor could possibly ever earn.  Thus every good thing I have has been bestowed on me by grace alone.  There is no reason for me to feel maligned or ill used because I don't have the answer I want or think that I need.

Still don't know exactly how that all looks in the end.  I do know I've made a decision tonight that could ultimately change the course of my future for better or for worse.  But I also know that it is the right decision, and God has given me peace of mind.  Enough peace, in fact, that I plan to go right to sleep after I finish this entry, and I think I will be able to do it fairly easily for once.  Anyway, I am so thankful for God and for my Journey Group and for my amazing friends who encourage and support me each day.  I pray that I am able to do the same for all of them.